Tuesday, 23 April 2013

Was Becoming A Mum What I Expected?

On the 27th of May I will have been a mum for a whole year and it's got me thinking has it been as I expected. I always knew that becoming a mum would be completely life changing in the best possible way but I just didn't think of how much would change.

I never knew it was possible to love somebody as much as I love Thomas I just can't put it to words what he means to me. It's just so overwhelming and everyday I love him more and more that I think I could burst with love. I also now know what it really means to put somebody else first, I don't mean I was a selfish person before but I've never had to properly care for anybody before but now I put Thomas and his needs before my own and anybody else's, I'd give up anything for Thomas.

I now know what it means to be tired, like actual dead on your feet exhausted tired. I don't know about Thomas but I can't remember the last time I slept through! I now have no sympathy for those people on Facebook who complain how tired they are after a bit of a late night. Try running on just a few hours sleep every single night for a few months and then come back to me and tell me you are tired.

I think I would also say becoming a mum has been harder than I thought it would be, even though to be fair Thomas has been a very easy laid back baby just like his parents are and we have been lucky but there have been times when I have wondered how on earth I am going to cope. In that first week when I was struggling with breast feeding and we later swapped to a bottle I felt like I had failed as a mum already because we couldn't master the most natural thing. To the long sleepless nights when I just wanted to cry because I was so tired. There have also been more than a few difficult days when Thomas hasn't been, shall we say cooperative? Some days he can be a terror nappy times are still the worst part of the day when he's being really bad it can take me a good while to put his nappy back on and we have to struggle and then Thomas screams at me. I can't believe how eager we were for him to be mobile now I just wish he would lay still for just a few minutes so I could change his nappy in peace.

Most of the time being a mum is perfect and I wouldn't change a thing. I live for cuddles and those sloppy open mouth kisses he plants on my face with a bit of snot mixed in, when he's tired and all he wants is his mummy or when he's poorly and only mummy cuddles make everything better. That shows me I'm doing good so far because my son loves me and I love my son.

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