I have seen this term mentioned quite a few times in parenting magazines it is the effect that having a baby has on a relationship. I personally think you have to be quite naïve if you think having a baby wont effect your relationship in some way. Having a baby is a massive life change possibly the biggest change of your life and it will change even the strongest relationship in some way.

I would say that David and I hardly ever argued before we had Thomas and we have a strong relationship but since Thomas came along there have been so many times when we have argued and disagreed over things that in heat of the moment seemed like the most important thing in the world and then the day after I thought what was the point in that argument.  

In the early days after your baby is born it can become like a competition for who is more tired. In our relationship I did all the night feeds as David was going out to work and doing long shifts but then I don’t think Dads realise just how tiring it is staying home with a small baby all day. Doing 2 or 3 night feeds a night and then having a 5:30am wake up isn’t easy. I can probably count on one hand the amount of lie ins I have had since Thomas was born and this has always been my biggest bug bear.  When we have another baby in the future I will definitely be kicking David out of bed more in the mornings so I can have a lie in after all I will need it looking after two babies!

Another thing that changed massively is obviously the amount of alone time you get with your partner. In the first couple of months any sort of intimacy went out the window for the simple fact that having a baby is bloody tiring and as soon as Thomas went to bed so did I. Most women also hate their partners seeing their body after having a baby for me this has never been a problem, the way I look at it is David is the one who got me pregnant so he can’t complain and my body is the way it is now because I have given him a beautiful son so he can either like it or have a slap.

I think David and I have been out on our own twice I think since Thomas was born we don’t have a baby sitter on tap but to be honest when we go out these days we would rather go somewhere with Thomas and take him to different places.  The only thing I do miss out is being able to go for a night out together but I suppose we can do that again when Thomas is a bit older at the moment I don’t feel ready to leave Thomas with somebody overnight other than David but saying that Thomas will be having his first ever sleep over with his granddad in December when it’s my work’s Christmas party and I am staying over and David will be working late.

My advice I would give to new parents is that getting through the first couple of months of parenthood is definitely give and take and be considerate to each other.  Tiredness can make even the smallest things seem like the end of the world. If you are building up to an argument step away take a breather and think about whether the situation really matters, is it worth falling out over? 

Has having a baby changed your relationship much? What would be one piece of advice you would give to new parents?

1 comment:

  1. Im a lot more chilled out now than i was before having T, however i think sometimes i get frustrated being on my own a lot of the time. I am also trying to study with the OU so my mum now takings him for a few hours at least once a week which helps


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